“HELP My Significant Other (S/O) Has Multiple Personalities (Dissociative Identity Disorder)”

How do I express my love, care and concern in a supportive, uplifting way? How do I keep from causing further pain or confusion? What needs does my hurting S/O have that I can help fulfill? HOW CAN I HELP?

Those with MPD/DID have difficulties with their emotions. Sometimes it is hard to share them with others because they have been made to think it is wrong to show their feelings. It is difficult a lot of times for them to trust because they have been hurt in the past when trusting. For family members who care so much about those who have MPD/DID, it is extremely difficult, but with patience and time all members of the family can learn to share their feelings like love, sadness, and even anger appropriately.

There may be times when you encounter alters (different personalities or different alternate selves) who are unpleasant, uncooperative, or even destructive. You may have times when an alter is hostile towardyou and says or does something which seems to hurt you.

A common reaction of most significant others is that all of the problems in the relationship stems from their S/O’s disorder. They don’t. Although their S/O brings their own set of problems to the
relationship, our responsibility and the problem we have is our reaction to their actions. The relationship rules are shifted somewhat and change moment by moment. Since our reaction is so important, we need to be grounded in our own supportive system while supporting our S/O with MPD/DID. A non-multiple needs to remember that if they are supporting a loved one who has MPD/DID that, the non-multiple needs their own outside support system and that’s where MT-SO wishes to help.

I have deliberately saved this for the last. This is the most important thing that I want you to remember and take with you even if you choose not to join our group:

You are responsible for only YOU. You have to make sure to take care of YOU. I discovered this the hard way after I went on about banging my head against the wall trying to take care of my S/O. I drove myself nuts thinking only of my S/O’s welfare. I worried about everything that happened. So what do you do? Well, support your S/O to the best of your abilities. But do something for you too. You are going to need some support from someone as well. People you can go to for help, can complain to, who are interested in you, and will keep what you say confidential.

Tips to support your loved one, click here.

I hope this has brought comfort to you by knowing that you are not the only one out there that needs support.

Helpful Pages

Links:
The SO’s Guide To MPD/DID
When the One Your Love is MPD/DID
Survivors and Friends
HELP! My Friend Has Multiple Personalities by James Card
For Signficant Others by Dividedminds.com

Articles:
How to Support A Survivor by Svali
So, Your friend has MPD by Rose’s Corner
Concerned Others need Support Too! by Bill B.
The Effects of DID on Children of Trauma Survivors by Esther Giller, President and Director, The Sidran Foundation
Parents As Partners in the Treatment of Dissociative Children by Frances S. Waters, M.S.W.
When The One You Love Is MPD/DID by authors of Soaring On Enchanted Wings
Surviving a Survivor by Sevenne
Guidelines for Listening to Survivors of Extreme Experiences by Al Siebert, Ph.D.,
What Some People Do When Bad Things Happen to Them as a Child
How To Help A Loved One?
Help for Families and Friends of Self Injurers