Preventing Reaccessing of the Survivor
This is by far one of the most important chapters I have written in this book. Why?
Deprogramming cannot be consistently successful if the person is still in contact with the abusers. Survivors will take one step forward, then will find themselves knocked down internally. All the hard work in therapy will be undone or set back. They and their therapist will find that they have trouble finding internal alters. Whole systems may shut down. A child presenting system may come out. Confusers and scramblers will take over therapy sessions and blockers will block therapy.
No one chapter can ever be totally comprehensive in how to prevent reaccessing. What I will share are some of the more common ways that the cult and trainers will try to reaccess individuals, and give some techniques on avoiding this.
The cult has a vested interest in keeping its members. After all, it has spent generations telling its members that if they leave they will die, be killed, or go psychotic. It makes them quite unhappy to see someone who is quite alive and very clearly not psychotic leave. It also makes their more restive members question the truth of what they have been told if they see someone get out. Having a member leave may break the hold of some programming in other members. Trainers especially hate to see anyone leave, and grind their teeth over this problem at night. People leaving the cult is considered a training failure and the trainers may be punished severely.
So, the cult has come up with certain ways to keep their members with them, willingly or unwillingly. These include, but are not limited to:
E.T. phone home (phone programming) : the individual will have personalities whose sole job is to call and report to the trainer or cult leader. These are often young child alters who are eager to please, starved for attention and nurture, and who are heavily rewarded for calling back in. Any survivor who attempts to leave the cult must deal with the urge to phone home. To phone their abusers. To phone their friends who are in the group. To phone their parents, siblings, cousins, or aunts. This urge may become overwhelming at times and worst of all, the survivor may be totally amnesic to the fact that the people they are calling are cult members who are urging them, in code, to come back. Common phrases used include: your 'family' loves you, misses you, needs you. So and so is ill and needs to see you. You are so special to us. You are so valuable. You need to come see us. Why are you so distant? Why haven't we heard from you lately?
The list goes on and on. Sweet, kind phrases with double meanings, placed in the person during training sessions. Trainers are not stupid and know that if cult members said "come to the ritual meeting at midnight next week", the survivor would run the other way, and be validated as well that they are not making things up. So, they ingrain code messages behind innocuous phrases such as described above. These, and other messages, are meant to trigger recontact programming.
In recontact programming, (ALL ILLUMINATI MEMBERS HAVE RECONTACT PROGRAMMING, IT IS NEVER LEFT TO CHANCE) the person has parts whose only job is to have contact with their trainer or cult leader, or accountability person (person one step above them in the cult). These parts are heavily programmed under drugs, hypnosis, shock, torture, to have recontact. The individual will feel restless, shaky, weepy, afraid if they try to break this programming. It will often be linked or joined in to suicidal programming (see previous chapter for more on suicidal programming). They may experience PTSD symptomology, or even flood programming, and internal self punishment sequences, as they fight this programming internally.
Siblings are often cross trained to access each other with special codes. Remember when.... may initiate this. I love you, or, your family loves you, can also be used. Phrases will be individual, depending on the person's family members and background.
Certain clothing or jewelry worn can be used to draw a cult loyal system, such as a color coded system, or jewel system , to the front. The person must physically resemble the person the individual was "keyed into" during the programming sequence, to prevent inadvertent popping out of alters by anyone wearing a ruby pin, for example. This kind of cueing will be based on sight recognition of a person, plus the clothing color or jewelry being worn a certain way.
Phone calls from concerned family members, friends, and cult members will flood the survivor's phone lines and answering machine, especially during the initial getting out phase.
Hang up calls, three or six in a row, or calls where a series of tones are heard, may be used as cues to recall the individual and fire off internal programming.
Birthday, holiday or we miss you cards, or letters, may be sent with trigger codes imbedded in them.
Flowers with a certain number of flowers, or color may be sent. Daisies may fire off daisy programming internally.
The possibilities are almost endless, depending on the trainers, the group the person was with, and the people they are most bonded to in the cult. Special training sessions will be given, with code words and cues built into the system's programming.
If all else fails, hostility will start. "You don't love us" will be heard, even when the survivor has stated repeatedly that they care. Boundaries drawn with cult members will be misinterpreted as lack of concern, or withdrawal. Accusations, guilt, and anger as well as manipulation will be used as hooks to make the survivor feel guilty for withdrawing from the cult.
Isolation programming may activate, as the cult support system is withdrawn in the survivor's life, and they try the difficult task of developing healthy, appropriate relationships outside of the cult. Often, the therapist will be the survivor's lifeline and sole support at first. The individual may fall into codependent relationships quickly, or relationships with other survivors to fill the void in their life. At worst, desperate for caring and feeling isolated, they will make friends with the first kind person they meet. This person could be a cult set up, sent to initiate a friendship quickly. Survivors should be wary of "instant friendships" or instant bonding with others. Most good relationships take time and effort.
A survivor may remember the father taking them to rituals, and believe that their mother or grandparent is safe. Only later in therapy will they remember that mother or granny was actually their trainer, since the most painful memories tend to come later. The survivor may only remember ritual abuse in early childhood, and think they were let go at a certain age. This is extremely rare, since the group has put in years of effort into training them. Almost never will they just "let someone go" in generational families. But they may be given false or screen memories, especially if they are in therapy, to confuse the survivor and the therapist.
The client will need to listen to and believe internal parts who have more information than they do, and take appropriate steps to be safe. This will probably mean cutting off contact with perpetrators at this point. Again, outside accountability is paramount. Safe houses, a women's shelter or a safe church family may be alternatives. One of the worst things the survivor can do is isolate, or go out walking late at night alone, or go camping in the woods by themselves. Abduction will often occur in these scenarios, when the survivor is alone and vulnerable. Safe roommates can help keep the survivor safe.
Locking up the phone in the trunk of the car may help if phone programming is intense. This gives the survivor the chance to wake up or stop phone calls, if an alter has to get up, find the car keys, turn on the light, go outside, and open a car trunk, bring the phone inside and hook it up again before making a phone call.
Building a support system through safe support groups, a good therapist, church, or work can also help. Whenever possible and practical, moving away from the town or state where the survivor was active in the cult can help. Why? Remember the survivor's whole support network was the cult in their old town. The trainers and/or family members have invested time and effort into the survivor and have a big stake in their coming back. If the survivor moves far enough away, a cult group in the new city or state will not know them as well, and will not have a lengthy history with them. This can help decrease the chance of reaccessing by the cult, in conjunction with good therapy and a safe support network.
The survivor will have to rebuild their support system anyway, so why not do it as far as possible away from people they have known who might hurt them? It can be intensely triggering to the survivor to see their old trainer walking down the street towards them, and inside alters may destabilize or feel unsafe. This is one case where distance is good.
One caution though: even if the survivor moves, they will need to work intensely on blocking internal recontact programming at the same time, or they may be quickly reaccessed. Trainers will often send the person's system codes and grids over the internet to cult groups in the new city, and will try to send someone who physically resembles the trainer or a family member to initiate contact with the survivor.
Internal communication and letting inside alters know that they can change their jobs will help. Reward internal reporters for changing allegiance and committing to keep the survivor safe. The cult used to reward them for doing their job; now the survivor can reward them for changing jobs. Develop new interests, work or hobbies that can help the survivor meet new, safe people. The survivor may want to practice friendship skills in support groups, as long as they are run by reputable, safe therapists.
Be aware that holiday dates are often important dates for reaccessing. Calendars are available that show important holidays for SRA groups. Birthdays are also dates when the individual is expected to return and there may be programming surrounding this.
Callback programming (where the person is given a specific date or holiday when they are to return to the cult, or be punished) may need to be broken as well. Allowing the alters who went through the programming to share their memories, acknowledging their needs, and trying to meet those needs in healthy ways will bring healing.
The survivor will need to go through a period of grieving for loss of contact with family members and friends in the cult. No matter how abusive, how disliked, it can be very difficult to cut off with perpetrators, especially if they were the only people close to the survivor. The survivor needs to acknowledge the difficulty of creating a new, healthy, cultless support group. The survivor needs to recognize that learning new skills and developing healthy friendships will take time.
One issue often brought up by survivors is: how much do I tell others about my past? This is an individual decision that the survivor and therapist need to look at together. In general though, caution in sharing is best, since sharing too much about the survivor's past may draw the wrong people to them. These people may be dysfunctional, or possible cult members. It is usually best to base new, non cult friendships on healthy aspects of the person at first and very gradually share small bits of information as the friendship progresses, and sharing seems appropriate. With time and opportunities, the survivor will learn the importance of appropriate boundaries and will want healthier relationships in their life.
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If you are going to work with ritual abuse survivors, you must also get educated if you want to be effective. And you must learn to be humble. Trauma survivors do not need to be around ignorant, modern-day Pharisees. Survivors in pain need people who will connect with them on an emotional level, get right down in there where they are, and listen. --Kathleen Sullivan